I'm a pretty impulsive person, not by nature but by action. The reason I'm impulsive by action is because I'm so meticulous by nature. I plan, I analyze, I weigh... everything. If allowed to run it's course I would over-think every-little-decision and end up disappointed in the end because I didn't take action.
Back in December I decided I wanted to get back into photography, just on a whim. I started looking into cameras. I started with a price-range and quickly realized it was a little low for what I really wanted to do. So I bumped up my range and started comparing; bodies, lenses, features, quality. Finally I came to the realization (as I often do, though it's like re-inventing the wheel every time) that getting out and taking pictures was my real goal and all the analysis was getting in the way of that. Like most things in a competitive market, the differences between similar models is only important on paper, they all do the same thing essentially. Nikon, Canon, Sony (Minolta)... if there is a difference I can't tell anymore. Just having a decent camera to collect the images I have in the last six months, memories from Vail and Puerto Rico, flowers in my garden, that has been priceless. And this hobby started spawning other ideas. Once I had some decent images to hang I decided to paint my bedroom to make it into a sort of personal gallery. I started thinking about some career changes to bring a little more creativity into my everyday. maybe it won't happen but it's worth thinking about
A couple months ago I started looking at road bikes. I found myself doing the exact same thing: starting with a price range that turned out too low for what I wanted, analysing every option... but this time I came to the realization a little faster (maybe there is hope for me after all) that all this time I was spending in front of the computer screen could be spent out on the road enjoying myself. Any bike is better than none. So off I went to the Trek store across the street and arrived home with a new bike and helmet- impulsive, yes, but I haven't regretted it for a second.
And this bring me to my latest purpose: the motorcycle trip. Every summer for one reason or another I take some vacation to travel up to Maine. And every year I hop in the car and rush up on the fastest route I can find to maximize my time there. I have slept in rest stops, I have driven the whole way only stopping at gas stations. Every time I make a resolution that *next* time I'm going to take my time and actually see some of the states I zip through. Highway 95 is fast but blasting by at max speed you don't see much, and there isn't much to see. And thus was borne the plan, or more accurately an idea, an impulsive idea at that. So far this is what I know: I will take my little Vulcan 500 (one of the motifs of this particular trip is self-reliance and nothing says self-reliance like using the tools you have at hand). I will take my camera (at all costs). I will make this an adventure. The rest is to be decided. By me or by fate.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Wake up...
I often wonder how it will go down when my employer realizes I have no idea what I'm doing. Will my manager take me aside and explain that while my efforts are appreciated he can't, in good faith, allow me to waste anymore of our time. Will he get angry, maybe his face cycling through various shades of cranberry and demand I 'get out'? I wouldn't be too surprised if he asks for my 5 years of salary to be returned. I know it's pretty ridiculous but in my mind it's not too far-fetched.
I do the same thing with dates. If it seems like a woman is starting to like me I start to wonder how long it will be before she realizes that she can do better. Much better. I mean, statistically there are about a gazillion eligible guys out there, the odds of her finding someone closer to the normal is practically a certainty.
My current mood brought to you care of a dream I had this afternoon while I was napping. I was at a hockey game with a friend's son. He had lost something, a sweatshirt or something so we had to find the lost and found. A pretty nice looking girl was showing us the way and I was chatting with her a bit. Everything seemed to be going well, I was pretty well in control of the situation, it was my dream after all. So we recover the sweatshirt or whatever and are about to leave and I casually mention to the girl that she should call me.
"I need your number."
"What?"
"I need your number if I'm going to call you."
"Oh, right, yeah, do you have something to write with?"
She has a manila folder and a pen so I start giving her the area code. She doesn't write it down. My hold on the dream is slipping but this is still OK, she has the same area code, she doesn't need to write it down right?... so I continue but she isn't writing and now she is starting to look hesitant.
I make a decision, I have come this far and I don't have a ton of self-confidence with women but I don't have a ton of pride either. I decide to write my number down myself and leave it, there it is she can call if she wants, I won't be hurt if she doesn't. I mean the girl is cute but I don't have anything invested here, really. I start to write and I get through most of the numbers but some start to come out jumbled, I forgot the 1 then I have an extra 1... I wasn't even nervous, I'm only interested in this girl because she seemed interested in me. The dream is falling apart and she starts telling me there is this guy she needs to look up...
Now I'm awake and I still can't decide, do I just leave the number with no expectation of getting a call or do I give up and save the last shred of pride and crumple the number up? Doesn't really matter, the dream is over. Wouldn't matter in real life either I think. The final insult is that it was my dream and I couldn't even make it happen.
-KP
I do the same thing with dates. If it seems like a woman is starting to like me I start to wonder how long it will be before she realizes that she can do better. Much better. I mean, statistically there are about a gazillion eligible guys out there, the odds of her finding someone closer to the normal is practically a certainty.
My current mood brought to you care of a dream I had this afternoon while I was napping. I was at a hockey game with a friend's son. He had lost something, a sweatshirt or something so we had to find the lost and found. A pretty nice looking girl was showing us the way and I was chatting with her a bit. Everything seemed to be going well, I was pretty well in control of the situation, it was my dream after all. So we recover the sweatshirt or whatever and are about to leave and I casually mention to the girl that she should call me.
"I need your number."
"What?"
"I need your number if I'm going to call you."
"Oh, right, yeah, do you have something to write with?"
She has a manila folder and a pen so I start giving her the area code. She doesn't write it down. My hold on the dream is slipping but this is still OK, she has the same area code, she doesn't need to write it down right?... so I continue but she isn't writing and now she is starting to look hesitant.
I make a decision, I have come this far and I don't have a ton of self-confidence with women but I don't have a ton of pride either. I decide to write my number down myself and leave it, there it is she can call if she wants, I won't be hurt if she doesn't. I mean the girl is cute but I don't have anything invested here, really. I start to write and I get through most of the numbers but some start to come out jumbled, I forgot the 1 then I have an extra 1... I wasn't even nervous, I'm only interested in this girl because she seemed interested in me. The dream is falling apart and she starts telling me there is this guy she needs to look up...
Now I'm awake and I still can't decide, do I just leave the number with no expectation of getting a call or do I give up and save the last shred of pride and crumple the number up? Doesn't really matter, the dream is over. Wouldn't matter in real life either I think. The final insult is that it was my dream and I couldn't even make it happen.
-KP
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Why I hate the lottery...
There has been alot of mis-information floating around about why I don't like the North Carolina State lottery. I'm here to try to set the record straight.
The fact is I hate the lottery, any state lottery actually.
It's true, I don't think people understand their true odds of winning. 1 : 146,107,968.00? Does the average person really know what that means? In short it means you are not going to win, period. But the people who play focus on the little ~1~ on the left of the equation and dream about what would happen if turned out to be them. And the lottery advertising is wise to play up the fact that 'You can't win if you don't play!'. I don't dispute that fact, it's true. Are the big, bad lottery companies wrong to prey on the human flaw that makes us believe that it is actually a good deal to forfiet $1 for the chance to win $60 Million? No, that is the nature of advertising, it happens every day with cars and teeth whitener and coffee. I don't like it but it's not why I hate the lottery.
I don't even hate the lottey companies... Sure they call it an "Education" lottery while only 1/3 of every $1 spent on tickets goes into a state bucket earmarked for schools. I think that's pretty rude but I've seen worse. I think they prey on people's insecurities to sell product but that is no worse than Nike selling a $200 pair of basketball sneakers so you can 'Be Like Mike' (completely glossing over the fact that to really be like Mike you would need to be born with superior ability, spend your whole life working to hone it and then have enough luck to be at the right place at the right time... probably easier just to wear his shoes). Business is business after all and the market doesn't support what the people don't demand right?
I have no beef with people dreaming about what they would do with tons of money, that is probably a healthy exercise and worth a dollar or two a week. The reason I hate the lottery is that people stop there. They believe that winning the lottery is the only way to reach the dreams they have. I attribute that to laziness and fear and it makes me cringe that millions of people would prove that every week. I know that is harsh. People (me included) are afraid to disect their dreams and make them into realistic goals, it is hard work and it forces you to look critically at yourself.
I dream of buying a Lamborghini after I win the lottery. Why? I have a perfectly good car now (that is paid-off thank you) that gives me very little trouble and is exceedingly fun to drive. What does owning an exotic sports car get me that my little VW doesn't? Admiration. Just imagine the looks I would get driving into work, or better yet, a club, in a black Diablo with bat wing doors. The women would be all over me and the men would be so jealous.... OK, wake up KP... my entire dream centers around making other people like me (at least on the surface), the car is about 10% of that dream and it's not even running, I'm just stepping out of it. Now stepping out of my black VW at a library isn't as aluring but if I go in and read to kids for an hour I bet they would really admire me and there would be a reason to.
My friend T. wants to win so he can retire without worries. What are these worries that weigh him down? What are his goals for retirement? I bet that there are ways to address his worries and plan a retirement that fulfill his dreams without winning the lottery. In fact I suspect that actually winning the lottery would add to his worries and lead to a less fulfilling retirement because he wouldn't be forced to take a hard look at what he really wants out of it.
My friend G. really wants to move to a mountain town so he can spend more time skiing in the winter. If he wins the lottery he thinks he will do it. What bothers me is that he can do it, this year. It would be work to make it happen but $$$ is not what's holding him back, not really. In fact I would hate to see what happens to him if he wins the lottery, I image him being a wreck because now there is no excuse for him to put off his dreams.
Am I above the lottery? No, I just don't think that winning the lottery would do anything for me. What do I want more than anything? More than a beach house and Ferrari in the driveway is a companion that understands me and we can share trust. Is winning the lottery going to help me meet someone I can trust? I think quite the contrary, winning a lottery would make me distrustful of everyone.
Personally I take great pride in managing the money I have. I give what I think I can to charities, I pay my debts, I work hard for the money I make and I'm careful about how I spend it. Working for the things I own make them valuable to me. All these things make me feel good about myself, I wouldn't want that taken away because a pile of money landed on my lap.
-KP
There has been alot of mis-information floating around about why I don't like the North Carolina State lottery. I'm here to try to set the record straight.
The fact is I hate the lottery, any state lottery actually.
It's true, I don't think people understand their true odds of winning. 1 : 146,107,968.00? Does the average person really know what that means? In short it means you are not going to win, period. But the people who play focus on the little ~1~ on the left of the equation and dream about what would happen if turned out to be them. And the lottery advertising is wise to play up the fact that 'You can't win if you don't play!'. I don't dispute that fact, it's true. Are the big, bad lottery companies wrong to prey on the human flaw that makes us believe that it is actually a good deal to forfiet $1 for the chance to win $60 Million? No, that is the nature of advertising, it happens every day with cars and teeth whitener and coffee. I don't like it but it's not why I hate the lottery.
I don't even hate the lottey companies... Sure they call it an "Education" lottery while only 1/3 of every $1 spent on tickets goes into a state bucket earmarked for schools. I think that's pretty rude but I've seen worse. I think they prey on people's insecurities to sell product but that is no worse than Nike selling a $200 pair of basketball sneakers so you can 'Be Like Mike' (completely glossing over the fact that to really be like Mike you would need to be born with superior ability, spend your whole life working to hone it and then have enough luck to be at the right place at the right time... probably easier just to wear his shoes). Business is business after all and the market doesn't support what the people don't demand right?
I have no beef with people dreaming about what they would do with tons of money, that is probably a healthy exercise and worth a dollar or two a week. The reason I hate the lottery is that people stop there. They believe that winning the lottery is the only way to reach the dreams they have. I attribute that to laziness and fear and it makes me cringe that millions of people would prove that every week. I know that is harsh. People (me included) are afraid to disect their dreams and make them into realistic goals, it is hard work and it forces you to look critically at yourself.
I dream of buying a Lamborghini after I win the lottery. Why? I have a perfectly good car now (that is paid-off thank you) that gives me very little trouble and is exceedingly fun to drive. What does owning an exotic sports car get me that my little VW doesn't? Admiration. Just imagine the looks I would get driving into work, or better yet, a club, in a black Diablo with bat wing doors. The women would be all over me and the men would be so jealous.... OK, wake up KP... my entire dream centers around making other people like me (at least on the surface), the car is about 10% of that dream and it's not even running, I'm just stepping out of it. Now stepping out of my black VW at a library isn't as aluring but if I go in and read to kids for an hour I bet they would really admire me and there would be a reason to.
My friend T. wants to win so he can retire without worries. What are these worries that weigh him down? What are his goals for retirement? I bet that there are ways to address his worries and plan a retirement that fulfill his dreams without winning the lottery. In fact I suspect that actually winning the lottery would add to his worries and lead to a less fulfilling retirement because he wouldn't be forced to take a hard look at what he really wants out of it.
My friend G. really wants to move to a mountain town so he can spend more time skiing in the winter. If he wins the lottery he thinks he will do it. What bothers me is that he can do it, this year. It would be work to make it happen but $$$ is not what's holding him back, not really. In fact I would hate to see what happens to him if he wins the lottery, I image him being a wreck because now there is no excuse for him to put off his dreams.
Am I above the lottery? No, I just don't think that winning the lottery would do anything for me. What do I want more than anything? More than a beach house and Ferrari in the driveway is a companion that understands me and we can share trust. Is winning the lottery going to help me meet someone I can trust? I think quite the contrary, winning a lottery would make me distrustful of everyone.
Personally I take great pride in managing the money I have. I give what I think I can to charities, I pay my debts, I work hard for the money I make and I'm careful about how I spend it. Working for the things I own make them valuable to me. All these things make me feel good about myself, I wouldn't want that taken away because a pile of money landed on my lap.
-KP
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Torn
I'm torn... as usual. I find it so hard to live life on my terms. For instance, say I want to move to Puerto Rico and spend 2 years writing a book. That isn't a bad idea after all. I've dug up some information on what it would take to publish a book myself ::http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/pf/20050829a2.asp:: and it really isn't unreasonable, we're talking on the order of hundreds of dollars to get the ball rolling. Compared to the par-3 golf course we were thinking of starting this is small potatoes indeed. And don't mistake, I am not ruling out the par-3, that plan is still rolling around in the back of my mind. Granted getting the book published may be easier than actually selling copies and making money on the venture but these are steps to go through, obviously I won't make money on a book I never write. I have a number of ideas for books but the one that's itching right now is based on a dream I had a couple months ago... based on a war between humans and robots... that's all I'm willing to say to it now before someone tries to steal my precious idea ;)
But none of that is really what tears me... the rub is the little tidbit I threw in about Puerto Rico, did you catch it? Why PR, why not Albuquerque, NM or Portland, ME or stay here in Carolina where I own a house and have a steady job? Well, one part is a girl (of course). The second part is adventure. I admit I am a romantic person, not that I bring wine and candles everywhere I go but the less common definition: imaginative but impractical; visionary. The thought of giving up all that makes me unhappy, trimming life down to the quick and testing myself in a new place, that excites me, gets my blood going and I live for that feeling. I like the things I have here but just the thought of following a dream, with the girl and the book, proving that the things I own are only possessions... that is living to me. Hanging out here, making the best of what I have, trying to find happiness withing myself... that is just waiting.
I seem so optimistic don't I? Why don't I just do it, be brave and follow the dream if only so I don't have to live the rest of my life regretting it? Because I am not the only one with a decision to make. My fear is that the girl doesn't have the same dream I have. If I were able to live life on my terms I would do it, do as I like the girl can sign up for the ride or not.
I still have time, next July is the date I've given myself, I wanted to stay with this job for 5 years just for the heck of it and there is money involved. I may be romantic but I am also logical and a meticulous planner. Still I am torn... it should be interesting seeing how this turns out, I hope I am brave enough to make a decision at least.
KP
I'm torn... as usual. I find it so hard to live life on my terms. For instance, say I want to move to Puerto Rico and spend 2 years writing a book. That isn't a bad idea after all. I've dug up some information on what it would take to publish a book myself ::http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/pf/20050829a2.asp:: and it really isn't unreasonable, we're talking on the order of hundreds of dollars to get the ball rolling. Compared to the par-3 golf course we were thinking of starting this is small potatoes indeed. And don't mistake, I am not ruling out the par-3, that plan is still rolling around in the back of my mind. Granted getting the book published may be easier than actually selling copies and making money on the venture but these are steps to go through, obviously I won't make money on a book I never write. I have a number of ideas for books but the one that's itching right now is based on a dream I had a couple months ago... based on a war between humans and robots... that's all I'm willing to say to it now before someone tries to steal my precious idea ;)
But none of that is really what tears me... the rub is the little tidbit I threw in about Puerto Rico, did you catch it? Why PR, why not Albuquerque, NM or Portland, ME or stay here in Carolina where I own a house and have a steady job? Well, one part is a girl (of course). The second part is adventure. I admit I am a romantic person, not that I bring wine and candles everywhere I go but the less common definition: imaginative but impractical; visionary. The thought of giving up all that makes me unhappy, trimming life down to the quick and testing myself in a new place, that excites me, gets my blood going and I live for that feeling. I like the things I have here but just the thought of following a dream, with the girl and the book, proving that the things I own are only possessions... that is living to me. Hanging out here, making the best of what I have, trying to find happiness withing myself... that is just waiting.
I seem so optimistic don't I? Why don't I just do it, be brave and follow the dream if only so I don't have to live the rest of my life regretting it? Because I am not the only one with a decision to make. My fear is that the girl doesn't have the same dream I have. If I were able to live life on my terms I would do it, do as I like the girl can sign up for the ride or not.
I still have time, next July is the date I've given myself, I wanted to stay with this job for 5 years just for the heck of it and there is money involved. I may be romantic but I am also logical and a meticulous planner. Still I am torn... it should be interesting seeing how this turns out, I hope I am brave enough to make a decision at least.
KP
Thursday, June 30, 2005
.
Driving toward work yesterday I saw a very nice (it looked nice at speed anyway) men's dress shoe along the side of the highway. It struck me as very funny, in a very zen way, a shoe just living out it's life on the side of the highway. Who would expect to see a shoe on the road like that? I don't think most people would. Who owned the shoe? Do they miss it? Where has the other shoe gone? How did it come about that the shoe ended up on the highway like that? I bet it is a good story.
And it ties in to my idea the other morning. I was in the shower making use of my freesia scented soap, sort of listening to some music in the background. I got an idea for a music video and that idea grew into an idea for a company.
::SONG:: Yellowcard - Rocket
::VIDEO:: Open with frames of band members sleeping in their separate, disparate apartments. Morning light. Song fades in. Band wakes up, get out of bed, put on clothes, put on instruments. Each step into shower (clothes on?) with instruments. Water is pounding off instruments, especially effective with drums as water is splashing everywhere (close up). Next each band member is going about daily chores: grocery store, walking down aisles...
Now, imagine if people, we'll say creative, motivated, self-starting people were given the freedom to do anything they want. Exist a company that's sole purpose is to enable it's employees. That day I wake up and decide to produce a music video, or maybe just write out my ideas, post it and someone else gets excited about actually producing a video while I move onto other tasks. Maybe something like MacGuyvers Phoenix Foundation, a think tank for talented people. I get a salary and job security and benefits, the company gets the output of my creativity. I think my idea is bankable, but say it isn't, maybe my next idea is to create an MP3 player with advanced features that real people would really like. I put some nice searching algorithms in it. Say once again worst case happens, the MP3 player is a bust but the company still has intellectual property that is valuable and could be licensed to other electronics manufacturers. The point is that I think people who are excited about what they do can accomplish great things but it is very hard to motivate people, there may be a way to harness the motivation people have inside.
And it ties in to my idea the other morning. I was in the shower making use of my freesia scented soap, sort of listening to some music in the background. I got an idea for a music video and that idea grew into an idea for a company.
::SONG:: Yellowcard - Rocket
::VIDEO:: Open with frames of band members sleeping in their separate, disparate apartments. Morning light. Song fades in. Band wakes up, get out of bed, put on clothes, put on instruments. Each step into shower (clothes on?) with instruments. Water is pounding off instruments, especially effective with drums as water is splashing everywhere (close up). Next each band member is going about daily chores: grocery store, walking down aisles...
Now, imagine if people, we'll say creative, motivated, self-starting people were given the freedom to do anything they want. Exist a company that's sole purpose is to enable it's employees. That day I wake up and decide to produce a music video, or maybe just write out my ideas, post it and someone else gets excited about actually producing a video while I move onto other tasks. Maybe something like MacGuyvers Phoenix Foundation, a think tank for talented people. I get a salary and job security and benefits, the company gets the output of my creativity. I think my idea is bankable, but say it isn't, maybe my next idea is to create an MP3 player with advanced features that real people would really like. I put some nice searching algorithms in it. Say once again worst case happens, the MP3 player is a bust but the company still has intellectual property that is valuable and could be licensed to other electronics manufacturers. The point is that I think people who are excited about what they do can accomplish great things but it is very hard to motivate people, there may be a way to harness the motivation people have inside.
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