Wake up...

I often wonder how it will go down when my employer realizes I have no idea what I'm doing. Will my manager take me aside and explain that while my efforts are appreciated he can't, in good faith, allow me to waste anymore of our time. Will he get angry, maybe his face cycling through various shades of cranberry and demand I 'get out'? I wouldn't be too surprised if he asks for my 5 years of salary to be returned. I know it's pretty ridiculous but in my mind it's not too far-fetched.

I do the same thing with dates. If it seems like a woman is starting to like me I start to wonder how long it will be before she realizes that she can do better. Much better. I mean, statistically there are about a gazillion eligible guys out there, the odds of her finding someone closer to the normal is practically a certainty.

My current mood brought to you care of a dream I had this afternoon while I was napping. I was at a hockey game with a friend's son. He had lost something, a sweatshirt or something so we had to find the lost and found. A pretty nice looking girl was showing us the way and I was chatting with her a bit. Everything seemed to be going well, I was pretty well in control of the situation, it was my dream after all. So we recover the sweatshirt or whatever and are about to leave and I casually mention to the girl that she should call me.

"I need your number."

"What?"

"I need your number if I'm going to call you."

"Oh, right, yeah, do you have something to write with?"

She has a manila folder and a pen so I start giving her the area code. She doesn't write it down. My hold on the dream is slipping but this is still OK, she has the same area code, she doesn't need to write it down right?... so I continue but she isn't writing and now she is starting to look hesitant.

I make a decision, I have come this far and I don't have a ton of self-confidence with women but I don't have a ton of pride either. I decide to write my number down myself and leave it, there it is she can call if she wants, I won't be hurt if she doesn't. I mean the girl is cute but I don't have anything invested here, really. I start to write and I get through most of the numbers but some start to come out jumbled, I forgot the 1 then I have an extra 1... I wasn't even nervous, I'm only interested in this girl because she seemed interested in me. The dream is falling apart and she starts telling me there is this guy she needs to look up...

Now I'm awake and I still can't decide, do I just leave the number with no expectation of getting a call or do I give up and save the last shred of pride and crumple the number up? Doesn't really matter, the dream is over. Wouldn't matter in real life either I think. The final insult is that it was my dream and I couldn't even make it happen.

-KP